T’was the night before Christmas, when all through the school
The only creatures stirring were the Bamfs (‘cuz they rule).
The spandex was hung across the Danger Room
Knowing ol’ Santa would be arriving soon.
The students were nestled snug in their beds,
Stirring with Kid Omega’s nightmares in their heads.
And Wolverine with his muttonchops and I with my dragon
Had just settled down for a pint (nah, a flagon).
Then out on the lawn there arose so much noise
That Toad ran out screaming, “You rascally boys!”
But it wasn’t the fault of Hellion or Rockslide.
The noise was of a much different nature outside.
The groundskeeper Krakoa registered nary a threat.
So Logan cautioned us not to work up a sweat.
Then Henry, all woozy, came down from his bed
And he asked us all, “Did you witness the sled?”
The five of us then heard a noise up above,
So we scrambled to our feet with a snikt and a shove.
The snow was all Bobby’s fault, slickening the roof,
And we all slid in a jumble, with a resounding “Oof!”
But when I looked up, what did I see?
Jolly Saint Nicholas was staring at me!
He dressed in red and white, his belly was huge.
His visage was guarded by the snowy deluge.
It was Toad that asked what we weren’t sure we had seen:
“Was that bloke Santa? He’s floating and green!”
There was no time to answer. We heard a clickety-clack!
Then several floating reindeer set off on their track!
On Orphan, on Dead Girl, on U-Go Girl and Spike!
On Vivisector, Phat, Venus Dee Milo and Tike!
So the reindeer were named, and it started to make sense!
This Santa’s identity made us all wince!
So I stood there with Wolverine, Beast, and Toad,
Lockheed on my shoulder, and the five of us moaned.
Santa waved to us all as he flew to the next house he’d seek,
But we didn’t understand a word—it was all in Doopspeak!
Hunter Lambright is a nerd. A huge nerd. Nerd enough to be editor-in-chief of premier fan-fiction site Marvel Omega. But despite his nerdiness, you can follow him on Twitter, find him on various comic book forums under the handle of “Crawler,” and e-mail review copies (if you really want a blog that no one reads to review your stuff) at firstname.lastname@example.org .